The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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