I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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