some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
