you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
