who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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