I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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