My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
