TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There are leaves in my underwear?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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