Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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