Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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