Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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