Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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