dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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