I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
