But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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