i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
