That's intense
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
only you would photoshop your dick
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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