Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
