I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
