Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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