I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
operation have a gay friend backfired
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
