I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
