Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
