WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
