It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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