That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize