it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
