Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
