it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
