My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
