Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
