I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
