i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
