whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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