Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
