her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
