fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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