I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
