It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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