idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
