his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
