You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
