if you like me you must not know who I am
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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