let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
