I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
