you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize