I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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