Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
