How'd it feel making her break her religion?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
