I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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