the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
