I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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