I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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