never play flip cup with pint glasses
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize