I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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