drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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