when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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