Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
