so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
