I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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