If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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