the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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