I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
