Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
