Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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