I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
