this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize