He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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