I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
