Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
