Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
