Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
