his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
