I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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