he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
