life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
