dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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