think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
never play flip cup with pint glasses
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
