Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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