I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
