I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
