Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
