You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
