if i died would you start the facebook group?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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