I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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