I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
