im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
