Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
