This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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