Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize