I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
