I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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