you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
