I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize