I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
