i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
