She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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