she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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