if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
